Things I Made

Good day me luvvies! Mrs God has sprinkled this little patch of Ireland with icing sugar. Very pretty but oh so cold this morning. Thermals today. Long-johns, Leggings and T-shirt (sounds like a legal team for the textiles industry). Only joking. No leggings. Ner. No long-johns but I’m beginning to see the appeal of those things…. Age must be creeping up on me. I’m starting to think of the comfort factor in everything I buy. Warm, soft, cosy, comfy… I’ll be catching the menopause next.

Over Christmas I used up my bag of lavender in the various sachets and stuffies I made. I tried blending Rosemary with Lavender oil but the resultant smell was a bit boys’ bedroom, locker room nasty. So I bought a kilo of dried lavender from Amazon! The fragrance is gorgeous and because there’s so much of it, all-pervasive.  I float around in a beatific state of calm and serenity. Ahhhh. The Little Book of Calm can go in the bin.

Lavender House

So with the house filled with the smell of lavender, a little house-shaped lavender sachet was definitely on the cards. It’s appliqued with Bondaweb and rough-edged free-motion stitchery. I make the templates (such as they are, simplicity isn’t the word) in Illustrator. I print them onto 300 gsm card, cut them out and keep the templates in plastic wallets in an A4 lever-arch folder. Well, I do now. I used to lose them all over the place but now am organised and efficient. Well, I’m getting there.

Monkey Man

I even finished Sock Monkey Man! Yay. Here he is, perched on the wall unit in the sewing room. The room of his creation – from Frankensock to Monkey Man. Only took 5 years –  then some – to finish him. It doesn’t do to rush. His name is Darwin.

Everton Mint Scrummies

Also got these via Amazon. Fat Everton Mint purse clasp frames. I have a bunch of leather swatches that *should* make a decent purse (to the US readers, a purse in Ireland is a little wallet where we keep coins. No notes – we’re too poor thanks to bank bail outs and austerity measures for denominations bigger than a euro so just coins). Aren’t they fab?

Mice Stuffies

And what about these meeces? These are stuffed with lavender to scent my underwear drawers and keep me smelling ever sweet. They are a very simple pattern and make up quickly with little bits of fabric. Perfect scrap busters. And the template for them is in my folder. That halo of mine getting tight again.

Cute, eh?

Spool

Now, the spool is a clue to my next post. I bought another manky, skanky wall unit. Dirty with old bits of cobweb on the bottom but that’s just me. The unit needed cleaning with sugar soap and I gave it a steaming and a good sanding down as well.  Solid pine. Possibly a vinyl record and tape display thingy – I dunno but it’s had a total makeover involving a couple of fat, painted wooden beads, wallpaper, hardboard backing, cabinet paint and a length of dowelling. The spool is covered in the same wall paper used on the unit…. I’m totally in love with it and even my manny, who was initially against buying it, got involved with his wood tip drill head and dowelling insertion. It cost just €5 so if it had turned out totally w***  it wouldn’t have been a big deal but it turned out better than I ever expected. You’ll see it soon – it’s just drying off and will be photo-ready by tomorrow.

Chitty Chat

For one reason or another, I was reminded of a neighbour we used to have. She apparently had sonic hearing ability that would make bats look like a box of frogs in bumper cars. She told me once that the lady we bought the house from had a ‘heavy foot’ and she could hear her going up the stairs on that said heavy foot. And the house was solidly built – VERY. Anyway, just the one heavy foot, apparently. She was a religious woman so maybe her bible had a typo and read ‘Faith, Hop & Charity’ . The greatest of all being ‘Hop’ so maybe she took it to heart hence heavy ‘foot’ and not ‘feet’.

I used to wonder that if one foot was heavy, was the other one extra light? Helium -filled? Did she ever find herself hanging upside down by her helium heel with her frock draped down over her head like a lampshade and her home-made mattress protector incontinence pants in full view – as I’m sure that is exactly the sort of under garmentry the thrifty lady would have made for herself.

You see, she believed in being frugal. Government-imposed austerity measures would have given her hedonistic luxury levels of indulgence and fine living. She could have splashed out on 1.49 dust sheets from Dealz and really done the place up.

When we moved in, we were surprised to find an absolute surfeit of mattress protectors that had served their country well but still been re-deployed for other duties. Curtain black outs, thermal door insulators, rolled up as draught excluders extraordinaire, shelf covers, dust covers and plastic sheeting to stop garden weeds growing. A hundred and one uses, at least.

Why did she have so many? That, I cannot answer. It is an Unsolved Mystery (there’s a programme on TV called ‘Unsolved Mysteries’. Wouldn’t be mysteries if they were solved, would they?

And, being very practical, they were quickly repaired with bicycle puncture repair kits – as evidenced by the obvious patchworking with duct tape, sellotape and other sticky-backed plastic strips. Us crafty types would go for Washi or vinyl cut with our fabulous cutting machines if we had such a bent.

Am I being cruel? I dunno. The neighbour told us she was absolutely wedged – had loads of money in banks, owned properties and had her nephew do her books and account balancing every year. But ate year-old soup from her freezer (what’s wrong with that?!) – to her mind, further evidence of the neighbour’s miserliness. Probably how she had so much money in the first place.

Well, with her one light foot and adherence to the letter of her Seventh Day Adventist Hopping religion, may her way to heaven be easy and the pearly gates be open wide to welcome her in. May she be the richest person in the graveyard and may her wordly goods be of great benefit to the living. As they say, every shroud has a silver lining.

Now, getting up this morning, the fitted sheet came away from the corner of the mattress and rolled towards me. This normally happens after a week of the bed being changed and is obviously nature’s way of telling me it’s time to strip the bed again. So duty calls and housework beckons. May joy be unbounded and the pleasure never end.

I laughed to see that on a hook in my kitchen I have three pairs of scissors, black handled, blue handled and chrome (hair) scissors. Exactly as in the rhyme from the League Of Gentlemen’s Val and Harvey:

Scissors

Black for paper,

Chrome for string,

The blue ones from this hook do swing.

We keep them clean, don’t be mistaken,

For kitchen jobs like trimming bacon.

 

Towels

Then there’s the towels.

White for hands,

Brown for feet,

Green for torso, thighs and seat.

And in the cupboard beneath the stair

You’ll find the red for pubic hair.

 

I don’t have these, btw!

Will be posting the makeover of the wall unit in the next few days so speak to you then. Have fun.

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