Come into my parlour

One skeevy moment after another. Just took a big sniff of some washing  that came off the line earlier. I do this cos I just love fresh washing smells and my fabric conditioner is gorgeous… Closed eyes, big, deep breath. Beauuutiful. Then saw – to my horror- one of those spiders – them with legs longer than Naomi Campbell – a bloody harvestman – literally right beside where I’d just sniffed. Stock still. Maybe dead, even. I dunno. But I could easily see it had only seven legs and my nose was irritated and sort of tickly… I reckon I just sniffed a spider leg up my nose. I sneezed (proof?!)  then gave my nose a good blow. No sign of a leg. Eeeewwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!

The Proclaimers came into my head:

And I would walk ten thousand miles
And I would walk ten thousand more
To get  to your brain cavity
And then would walk ten thousand more…

Eek. Now that scares me so I should stop imagining mental stuff like that. But where is the leg? It could have been worse. Could have been the whole spider…  THAT just doesn’t even bear thinking about. No. nu-uh. Stoppit now.

Then, a bit later on, was sitting here trying to do some work and had two blue bottles buzzing around me. Yuck. Now I don’t mind spiders – just don’t want their legs up my nose. But flies. Different matter. Big fat buzzy ones – even worse. I went looking for my tin of Raid and I would swear they followed me. You know that bit in Polymorph – (Red Dwarf) where the cat gets chased by the blue energy ball things – that was me looking for the Raid being chased by the flies.

Finally got the flykiller and trapped them in my bedroom with a good blasting of Raid. And like the cat, I thought to myself: ‘You either got it or you ain’t. Boys, you ain’t even close’. (Snarky laugh to myself there).

Have just been in with the vac – both on the window sill, their legs twitching like an Asian mammy knitting a tank top. They’re in the dustbag now. Gone. All squashed up. Or as Lister would say ‘Twatted’.

Just thought I’d share that with you.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *